One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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