Fine. I'll sleep in my office
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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