sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
My balls are so social today.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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