five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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