im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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