UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Randomize
