So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
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