I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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