before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
