I'm eating all of the evidence.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I need to stop coming to work sober
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
