I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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