I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
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All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
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She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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