I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
