yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
