Banned from zoo.
Again?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Randomize
