there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
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