Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
