I'm lost and stupid without you.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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