so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
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