I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
You need Xanax blowdarts
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Randomize
