I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Randomize
