we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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