So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
