i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Drunk is not a location!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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