Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
