Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
