the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
So I just went to clothing optional bar
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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