Dual....:-)
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
