I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
