It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
