What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
All the doctor said was why
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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