i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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