Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Randomize
