She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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