Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
