it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
