dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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