idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
