dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Randomize
