Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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