Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
