Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
