my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
