Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Randomize
