The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
