I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
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