If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
only you would photoshop your dick
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
