I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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