So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
