i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
