Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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