Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
