i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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