i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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