I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Randomize
