Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
