I feel great
I just peed on a car
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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