Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
