we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Randomize
