Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
