I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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