Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
