we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
