she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
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