So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
