D3 body, D1 cock
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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