I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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