i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
