I hate your face
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
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My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
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Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
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