We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
