Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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