You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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