They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
