so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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