Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
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