Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
