Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Two words: nipple clamps
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