Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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